I was correct in my assumption that the version with Chinese on its tag would in fact speak Chinese. Got this off of 闲鱼 along with a VV-Go (basically the same thing but minus the phone activation stuff and with different audio). The VV-Go is thoroughly broken and doesn't appear to do anything, so I'll need to get that sorted (it also looks and feels like it was outside for several years). Back to this unit, though. Its motor was originally locked, but I was able to unlock it by turning a gear through the hole below the mouth with a screwdriver. Sadly, a gear (or several) seem to be split. The most movement I've been able to get out of it is the feet moving occasionally when it's held up off the ground, which is what I was trying to demonstrate in the latter half of the video. As far as I'm aware, this variant is completely undocumented, so I'm very happy to have it! :)
cuddly.tube